20+ Sarcastic New Year Wishes for 2024 to Start the Year

As 2023 comes limping to a close, it’s time to look ahead to the promise and potential of a brand new year. Joy. New Year’s is supposed to be a time of optimism, cheer, and good tidings for the coming days. Rapture. But let’s be honest – after the year we’ve just endured, positivity may be in short supply. Shocking.

That’s why for 2024, it’s time to get real. No more forced smiles. No more platitudes about peace, love and understanding that we all know are just empty words. Barf.

This year, say what you really feel with these sarcastic New Year wishes and greetings that sum up the true spirit of the holiday – disappointment and disdain. Bwahaha.

Let’s get this new year party started with some cheer-free greetings filled with delightful scorn!

Sarcastic New Year Wishes for “Friends”

These snarky new year messages are perfect for those special people in your life who make every year feel like a flaming bag of dog poop on your front porch.

For the Frenemies

Wishing you another year pretending to like me while secretly hoping I fail at everything I do! Here’s to another 365 days of veiled contempt and passive aggression! Can’t wait!

Here’s hoping 2024 brings you happiness, joy and good fortune! Just kidding! I hope you get exactly what you deserve this year.

2023 was awful…let’s do it again next year! Same time, same misery? It’s a date!

For the Backstabbers

May all your wishes not come true next year, you two-faced jerk. I hope 2024 backstabs you right in the back.

Here’s to another year of fake friendships full of drama, betrayal, and talking behind people’s backs! Let’s make it the backstabiest year yet! hugs!

New year, same old nonsense…and same old BS from you. Here’s hoping 2024 finally exposes your lies to the world! mwah!

For the Fakes

Here’s wishing you become an better at pretending to be nice in 2024! Maybe next year I’ll finally believe it. Kisses!

To my “dearest friend” – may your fake persona finally crack under the pressure so the whole world can see the real you. Happy 2024! air kisses

Happy New Year! Let’s make it the phoniest one yet! Can’t wait see what new lows of fakeness you’ll reach next year! smooches

Snide New Year Wishes for Family

Just because they share your DNA doesn’t mean you have to pretend to enjoy their company. Send these snarky new year greetings to the “loved” ones driving you nuts.

For the Meddling Mother

Hope you have another glorious year sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong, mom! Way to meddle! Can’t wait to see what parts of my life you ruin next! hugs!

May all your wishes of how I should live my life not come true next year! Happy New Year, you overbearing battle axe! Let’s make 2024 the year you finally stop smothering me! mwah!

Here’s to another 365 days of you killing me slowly with unsolicited advice about my life choices! Thanks mom! You’re the best! kissy face emoji

For the Mooching Siblings

Wishing you another prosperous year of never getting off my couch, rent free! Maybe 2024 will finally be the year you pitch in for utilities though! A girl can dream!

Out with the old, in with the new! Unless you’re my deadbeat sibling, in which case – out with the OLD DEAD WEIGHT! Hope you get a job and your own place in 2024! smooches!

Happy free-loading on me New Year! Can’t wait to support you financially and emotionally for another 365 days straight! It’s my passion! * hearts * diamond ring emoji

For the Drunk Uncle

Drain that wine box and make it your best sloppy embarrassing year yet, Uncle Frank! We believe in you! Say it loud, long and often in 2024! hugs & kisses!

Hope 2024 brings you lots of cheap liquor stores and bartenders willing to over serve you! Bottoms up, Unc! Maybe this will be the year you finally admit you have a problem! LOL winky kiss face.

Out with the old “sober” you (was there ever one?) and in with the new completely wasted train wreck you! Let your drunken freak flag fly in 2024!! high five emoji.

Conclusion

As you can see, there’s no better way to ring in 2024 than by throwing shade at all the people who make your life worse year in and year out. Share these sarcastic new year wishes and greetings liberally to give the “joyous” holiday exactly the amount of celebratory spirit it deserves – none whatsoever.

Here’s hoping 2024 sucks a little bit less than 2023 for you! And if not, look on the bright side – at least you’ll have plenty of material for even snarkier new year wishes when January 1st, 2025 rolls around! Woo hoo! Pass the booze! confetti emoji.